Hello peopulll

Michael Howard, the Today programme reports, has written an open letter to John Reid to advise him in his new job as Home Secretary. The letter draws on Howard's four-year experience in the same job.

To save Mr Reid from having to run out and buy the papers, here's the gist of said experience.

1. Read the Daily Mail each day. Tailor your policies accordingly.
2. If it has two legs, a heartbeat and moves, sack it. A slim department is an efficient department.
   
3. It's not your fault. Accept no blame.
4. If asked a direct question by Jeremy Paxman, on no account give a direct answer. No one will notice you squirm.

You're welcome.