Chinese puzzle

You can have endless, if borderline xenophobic, fun speculating about our downstairs neighbours.

The downstairs flat is slightly smaller than ours, which has two bedrooms and a living room. They lack the living room. Generally one of the larger rooms has been their living room and the other the bedroom. The flat is rented out and tenants tend to be couples who stay for a couple of years before moving on. Once a baby was born there and once there was a couple with a primary school age girl, who were just waiting for a house sale to come through. Otherwise, two neighbours is the norm down below.

We currently have five. And a half.

Last year a couple of Chinese people moved in - maybe students, maybe not, dunno. One of them works at Tesco. Every now and then a white, middle aged man rolls up, parks his car smack in the middle of a space that would be wide enough for two cars parked side by side, and spends a night or nights before disappearing again.

Then a third Chinese girl joined the mix. All three now live in one of the large rooms - in fact, the smaller of the two, beneath the Boy's room - and sublet the other to another couple (white, mid-to-eastern European extraction). Mr McCantparkstraight still stays over from time to time, possibly packed into an overhead locker.

I'd be very surprised if the letting agency, or indeed the owner, knew of this arrangement. But we don't let on because they're clean and quiet, and if they were Al-Qaeda they would have blown us up long ago. My former neighbours have included the Chippy Scot, the Laughing Hyena (whose sense of humour tended to be tickled at about 2am) and Satan's very own double glazing salesman. So I don't complain.

Today they got a letter addressed to "The Legal Occupier". It's still sitting in the hallway because they've forgotten whose turn it is to be the legal one today.