Scrofulee, scrofula

It was once believed that the touch of the King (or Queen) could cure scrofula. Scrofula (which I had always assumed to be vaguely venereal) is a disfiguring form of tuberculosis that affects the lymph nodes of the neck, leading to unsightly swellings. King George I put an end to the practice as "too catholic".

Now, whatever your issues with the Church of Rome, "too catholic" (or "zu katholisch" - he didn't speak English) hardly sounds like a scientifically rigorous reason for discarding the practice without some kind of test. I'll bet good money, at least a fiver, that no one has ever conducted a double blind medical trial on the subject. For all we know, it still works. With the NHS in the state it is, and TB figures slightly on the rise, I say that if we have this useful resource then it badly needs to be researched.

• Does it only apply to the reigning sovereign, or to anyone in the line of succession too?
• Do other members of the family have it in diluted form - for instance, could the touch of three or four lesser royals be the same as one touch by Her Majesty?
• Does it immunise in advance, or do you have to have the disease to be cured of it?
• Can it also be passed on by waving, or is physical contact the key thing?
• Will Charles get the power the moment his mother dies, or will he need to be formally crowned? (Now, there's a man who will appreciate the non-traditional approach to disease management.)
• Could Charles act preventatively by touching people now, but the cure only takes effect when he becomes king?
• What is the active agent in the process? Is it the Queen's DNA? Pheromones? Is it something that could be isolated and mass produced in a lab? Could it be transmitted more efficiently by tablets, injections or sprays?

I'm sending in my grant application now.